My boyfriend cheated on me with a transgender girl.

My boyfriend cheated on me with a transgender girl. 

Hi all, so I’m a 21-year-old female and have been with my boyfriend, who’s a 25-year-old male, for four and a half years now. He's the first person I had sex with, so I don't really have a comparison of what's 'normal' or not. We've always been very active and liked to try new things. One of those things we've discovered is that he likes me stimulating him anally while he jerks off. I'm fine with it, less work for me, I guess. The thing is, he would start watching a lot of trans porn and said many times he'd like to try something with a transgender woman. I struggle to convince myself it was my fault for not taking it seriously when he mentioned it. I mean, after all, fantasy is a fantasy, and I've always assumed if he really wanted to go with it, he'd just sit me down and talk about it, and I'd most likely be okay with him trying,,now instead of after being married 20 years and him wanting to try it. 

Well, today he called me and asked to talk. He told me that recently he found out he's interested in transgender women, he was struggling to understand his sexuality and knew it would be unfair to me if it was actually what he's into. Two days ago, he actually met with a transgender girl that he gave oral sex to. He claims he didn't like it, and this fantasy went out the window just like that for him. He was never attracted to men, just the idea of giving a transgender or man oral sex, and once he's tried, he knows he's straight. That's great, I mean really, good for him. But it was less than a week ago when we were talking about building a house together, a life together, and now my reality is just crumbling down. I knew he'd been emotionally distant lately, and when I talked to him, he said it was just stress from new work. I can understand work can be stressful. Really, a relationship for me is a ride or die. It's going through struggles together, it's the utmost respect for the other person. And I've been there for him always.

When he was struggling with his family, when he was unloading his frustration from work on me, when he didn't want to meet our friends and just play on the video game playstation because he was tired. I've been there all those times. And now he threw out the window two things I think are the foundation of a relationship - loyalty and respect. I feel so mad because my first thought when I heard it was 'okay, he checked, he didn't like it, we can move on'. But it's not right. No one ever deserves to know a thing like that after it has already happened. I feel like he doesn't deserve me and I should find someone who treats me like a queen. I really love him with all my heart and I don't want to break up, but I just don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again. Is there going to be constant worry about what might be next, what if he comes up with another fantasy and acts on it behind my back? How do I even start processing all of this? Do I stay, or should I go?

What’s your opinion 🤨?